Purgatorying
by ice-woman
Summary: Cassidy rolls her eyes. "You've got it all wrong, Kate. So very wrong." Takes place right before the explosion at the end of season 5, leading into season 6. Kate's not sure if she's alive or awake. (Character study). Kate/Jack; Kate/Sawyer


_This takes place at the end of season 5 right before the explosion leading up to when Kate wakes up in season 6._

There's a moment, before the blinding whiteness engulfs her, where she sees the face of a man she once buried. Tight-lipped and mocking her silently, the marshal laughs at her as her eyes widen, invisible screams rising in her throat. The world's gone silent and chaotic and she stands alone, lips parting slowly as Sawyer looks back at her one last time.

Jack's behind her, she thinks. She barely has time to try to figure it all out. She's standing in between Sawyer and Jack and none of this matters anymore, because Juliet is dead and she's going to jail in the morning.

Goodnight sweetheart, she whispers sweetly to Aaron, who will be tucked safely inside of Claire once again.

The screeching of metal and the smell of sulfur fill the air and she closes her eyes tightly, refusing to move, and waits for it to all end.

* * *

Death would be too kind of a reward for someone like her. She's been kept alive this long. Her hands dig into _something_ though she's not sure what. It's rough and familiar, yet strange all at once.

She can't open her eyes. Maybe this is what being in shock is, or maybe it's not. Monsters don't disappear just because the sun's out though. She needs to pretend for a little while longer.

The back of her mind stumbles upon a picture and she exhales. Jack will find her. Jack will take care of her. She doesn't have to run anymore.

Whatever happened, happened. She's not on a plane, she's not going to prison, and she's not in handcuffs. That much she can feel.

Still, she isn't convinced.

So she keeps her eyelids locked tightly, arms keeping a firm grip around whatever it is her nails have sunken into. (A tree, she thinks, and laughs).

Sleep feels so much like death. Strange how she should know this.

Strange, indeed.

* * *

"You've got to get it open, Claire," the man with the bald head says. "You've got to get it open."

Her nose scrunches. _Claire_.

He laughs as if this is a secret joke between the two. She should know the name, she realizes. Is she Claire? She can't remember.

His hand falls on hers and he lifts her fingers to a security deposit box.

"What's the code?" he asks. It's an important question.

Well, that's _easy_ , she thinks. "4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42." She turns an invisible dial and the door pops open. She's excited. Her fingers reach for a toy airplane and she can feel her heart lifting. There was a boy once, and she was a girl? Is that right? They were friends. She can see his face. But there's no name. She can't remember his name.

"No, Kate," the man says, shoving the airplane back into the box. "That's not how this ends."

She frowns. She doesn't understand. She's Kate. _She's Kate_. Who's Claire? Why would he call her Claire?

"The baby," she whispers, but this only confuses her further. The man laughs and locks the box. She tries her numbers, but the lock needs a _key_ and he's not going to give her one. Frantic, she smashes her fists against the metal in a panic to get that plane back.

"Let it go, Kate," he tells her calmly.

"Unlock it!" she yells, her tongue pausing over the word. "Unlock _._ Lock. _Locke_." She eyes him strangely.

He smiles thinly.

She pulls back, wondering how they've landed in the jungle. The security deposit boxes are gone. Which means the plane—

The plane is in the sand, she thinks. The plane crashed. There's no boy, he's dead.

Locke needs her.

Perhaps she is a key.

"Where's Claire?" she asks decidedly, pretending to be in control of whatever weird dream she's having.

He grins like it's Christmas. "I was hoping you might ask that Kate."

* * *

When she first realizes she's in a tree, she's relieved. Her limbs are in tact and though it seems a bit crazy that she'd ended up here, she's alive nonetheless and nowhere near LA. She can't go back to California. She'll be sent to prison. She'll never see Aaron again.

"You're not his mother," Jack's ghost whispers.

 _Jack_ , she thinks hurriedly. He did all of this. He did so much.

 _Not enough._

She should look for the others, but her head's throbbing and she can barely hear. She thinks she may have gone deaf. Maybe life will be more peaceful now.

If she falls asleep, she's likely to roll off of the tree.

Her head _aches_. She couldn't sit up if she wanted to.

And she doesn't want to. It's been a long night. It's been _such_ a long, awful night. Perhaps she'll lie here for months.

That sounds damn good.

* * *

"Silly girl," Cassidy laughs, grinning over her coffee cup. Her auburn hair tumbles over her shoulders and she grins as Clementine rushes into the kitchen.

"Oh my darlin', oh my darlin', oh my darlin' Clementine," the young girl sings, blonde ringlets bouncing off of her head. She sits down next to Kate, blue eyes gleaming. "Is that what he called you?" she asks, laughing at her. " _Darlin_ '?"

You don't understand, she wants to say. Things were different. _He_ was different..

"Don't be a fool, Kate," Cassidy warns her, face hardening. "You _run_. You run far away Kate. Don't let him fool you. He don't love you."

Jack, Jack, Jack. There's Jack. There's _always_ Jack.

She thinks her head might explode.

"You only want what you can't have, Kate," Jack's voice says sadly as she hands him the wedding ring he gave to her. She's running again, she can feel it.

"He _left_ you," Cassidy taunts her and Jack's forgotten.

He thought I'd be happier without him, Kate thinks. _He was wrong_.

"What about your baby?" Clementine asks, smiling sweetly.

Kate purses her lips. "Claire."

Cassidy rolls her eyes. "You've got it _all_ wrong, Kate. So very wrong."

She's handcuffed to the chair. She's only just noticed that. She yanks hard, but the harder she fights, the more Cassidy and Clementine giggle.

"Run Kate, run," Clementine chastises.

"What's her name again?" Cassidy asks solemnly, eyes searing into Kate's.

Kate pauses, trying to remember who and what they're talking about. It only takes a second.

"Juliet," she says softly.

Cassidy chuckles. "Well ain't that some shit," she remarks shaking her head. "All those books he reads. That name's just about got to _kill_ him."

Kate closes her eyes.

It's nothing she hasn't thought of before.

 _ **fin.**_


End file.
